


Hide the Salami

by badideasthatshouldntbewritten



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Forced, Gun Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:52:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badideasthatshouldntbewritten/pseuds/badideasthatshouldntbewritten
Summary: Batman is stuck with day duty.





	Hide the Salami

**Author's Note:**

> This was written a few years ago for prompt on a Tumblr that's certainly been deactivated due to inactivity. Found this cleaning up my drive, still read alright so I polished it up and here it is.
> 
> Some pointless death involved so if you're uncomfortable with innocents being shot indiscriminately I suggest you don't read this or ctrl+f "mouth" to get to where the fellatio is.

The nighttime antics were easier to handle. Darkness was a huge advantage for Batman, not to mention most of the civilians being off the street for the night making any unwanted accidents a hell of a lot easier to avoid.

For pressing issues during the daylight, the family had affectionately dubbed the arduous task as “day duty”. Batman's day duty had him on call for a bank heist. A circle of hired goons surrounded the facility, armed to the teeth with the kind of weapons that certainly weren't part of any legal circulation. No communication was getting in or out. The only information Batman received was the time the panic button was hit.

When he parked his vehicle, Batman noticed the circle begin to shift. He stepped out of the batmobile and the goons not only cleared the path, but lowered their weapons to allow the caped crusader entry.

The bizarre behavior clarified itself when he saw Joker standing in the center of the room, brandishing pistols in each hand. The people surrounding him laid face-down on the floor, whimpering and crying out once they got a view of the dark knight.

“Glad you could make it,” Joker sang. He gesticulated with the guns, the hostages flinching every time one pointed was pointed in their direction. “I don't suppose you brought any refreshments for the bash?”

“There's going to be a bash, alright,” Batman growled.

Joker laughed wildly for a few moments before sobering up and pointing the gun at a little girl by his feet. “You are clever, aren't you?” He flicked the hammer of the pistol. The girl's mother cried out, but Joker was not deterred. “We'll test that. Tell me, Bats. What's a good party without any games?”

Unresponsive, Batman stood still and vigilant. Plans and ideas began to work themselves out in his head. Then the second pistol was aimed at another innocent and the possibilities had gone right out the window.

“I said,” Joker cleared his throat. “What's a good party without any games?”

“Fine,” Batman hissed. “What's the game?”

Giddy now, Joker broke out into a giggle. “It's a riot. It's called 'hide the salami'. With a few twists, of course.” Quickly, he pointed up to the ceiling and fired a shot.

“First rule,” Joker began. “You have to guess where I want to 'hide the salami'. Every wrong guess-” he paused and pointed the gun back at the little girl “-well, let's just say little Susie isn't going to make it to her dance recital tonight. Second rule, Batsy. Once you guess correctly-” Joker was in a near fit by now, body shaking as it was wracked with laughter. “You have to perform the act in front of all of these lovely folks.”

Batman's lip curled in disgust, and even as his stomach lurched he looked at every civilian scared and helpless on the ground and nodded tersely. “Fine.”

“Oh goody,” Joker cheered. “Now, start!”

Batman tried to be methodical in his thoughts. This was Joker, after all. He could very well have chosen something ridiculous or physically impossible. However as he weighed the possibilities, he and the civilians were startled by a gunshot.

“Too long,” Joker yelled with a delighted squeak. “Games aren't meant to be boring, Batsy.”

The little girl's mother screamed before Batman could even get a look at the victim. Her small body trembled, blood beginning to pool underneath her. She made high-pitched and strangled groans at the back of her throat before her body sunk and settled into a motionless silence. The only noise in the room was the mother's terrified sobs.

Batman looked from the dead child back to the mother. He brought his eyes back up slowly to Joker's. “You're a monster.”

“Quickly, Batman. You wouldn't want to send Mother here to hell would you?” Joker shifted his arm enough to aim at the girl's hysterical mother. “Time is precious. And some of the people here are beginning to run out of it. You can imagine they're starting to feel a little anxious. Put yourself in their shoes,” he gushed with over-exaggerated pity.

This time Batman had only used a handful of seconds to decide his answer. “Inside of me.”

“Oh, I'm afraid that's far too vague, Batsy.” Joker tutted before his mouth stretched back into a grin. “Goodbye, momma! I'm sending you to your rugrat now!” Another shot was fired straight into the mother's skull. Joker's newest victim was a young man, whose body went rigid when he saw the pistol pointed at him. “Come on, Batman. Not like there are many places to put it.”

With a moment's hesitation, Batman offered in what he hoped to be his final guess. “In my mouth.”

“Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!” Joker had jumped where he stood, still holding his aim at the young man. “My hands are a little full here darling, but I'm sure you'll be happy to accommodate.”

Dozens of pairs of eyes followed Batman as he stepped toward Joker. Every single one felt like a stab to the ego. He hastily undid the clown's belt. Surely, this was his penance for keeping the Joker alive for so long. He popped the button and pulled the clown's pants down with one swift tug. If anything, this penance was the least he owed.

Joker was already excited by the situation. He was half-hard in his heart-patterned boxers, fabric pulled taut over his need. After his remaining modesty was removed, he began chuckling ruthlessly.

Batman knelt on the ground. He craned his neck up and gripped a fist around the white shaft before putting the head in his mouth. Briefly, while listening to Joker's mocking laughter and feeling the eyes on him, Batman was convinced this was what Gotham saw every time he saved the clown's life.

“Try sucking a little more, sweetie,” Joker taunted.

He took Joker's prick deeper into his mouth, head of the cock now resting back up against the palate as he started suckling.

“Mm-hm. You're pretty good at this, aren't you?” Joker thrust a bit down into Batman's throat with the gentle pump of his hips. “Do the birdies know their Bat-daddy is so talented?”

Batman pulled back only to go back down again and skewer his throat deeper than before. His lips hit the base, and despite the monster in front of him the scent was all man. Heady, sexual and Batman swore he was under Joker Toxin with how much his head swam and loins stirred. He pulled back again and sucked lightly at the head.

He was growing far more aroused than he had any right to be, cock aching to be freed from his athletic cup. He could force out the thoughts though, or at least the guilt and the shame. The erection showed no signs of waning.

Joker had been babbling a string of fantasies involving Batman, interrupting with the occasional insult or affectionate compliment. The gentle push and pull of his hips gave way to a little more selfish and violent thrusting. He took Batman's throat and back again, fucking the mouth in front of him despite every little scratch of teeth. His climax shot right into Batman's throat, straight down the gullet.

Pulling out, his prick was marked with where the teeth had scraped harshly against the skin. He sighed, the long exhale followed by the dropping of his pistols. He patted Batman on the head before Batman had tackled and cuffed him.

As Joker was hauled out into police custody, the clown had exploded into laughter and called out to Batman as he headed for his vehicle.

“Next time I'll return the favor!” The clown shouted his promise as he was being stuffed into the back of an armored police van.

Batman ignored the eager twitching of his cock and went along his way.


End file.
